Beardapalooza 2008: Week 5

Beardapalooza 2008 is now in its 5th week. This is the last week that will occur completely within the year 2008. All future posts will exist in 2009 making Beardapalooza 2008 a bit of a misnomer. That said, we shall push forth into what is sure to be a glorious year for beardom.

Throughout history, beards have come under scrutiny and have been in many times and places banned from the faces of law-abiding citizens. Many consider the present a veritable beard renaissance, and nonetheless we needn't look far to discover practices that are openly discriminatory toward the beard-wearing populace.

Unbelievable as it may be, the following groups, organizations, etc. have beard prohibitions:

- Brigham Young University - According to the honor code at BYU, "Men are expected to be clean shaven; beards are not acceptable."

- Professional airline pilots are required to be clean shaven to facilitate a tight seal with auxiliary oxygen masks. Therefore, beards are prohibited.

- In Irish football (that's soccer), a ban on beards has been in place since 2005, when Beechlawn Rovers defender David Murray pulled Chanel striker Ricky Bobby ("shake 'n bake") down by his beard when he was clear through on goal. It was feared by the Irish Premier League that this practice would continue; therefore a ban was placed on growing facial hair longer than two inches.

- Police officers in the City of Houston have been subject to a beard ban since 1993.

And now for the pictures...

Scott

















Paul
























James

Beardapalooza - Week 4: Beards with Hats

4 weeks in, and without a hint of sarcasm I can finally say that all 3 combatants have adorned their faces with what would be readily recognizable as a beard. It took a while, but it actually looks like I am growing a beard...on purpose.

I have also gotten my hands on some highly specialized predictive software that can produce a rendering of what our Week 5 pictures will look like:

James - Click here. That looks about right to me.

Scott - Click here. OK. I buy that.

Paul - Click here. Wow. This is amazing software.

Enough about the future, here are this weeks pictures:

Scott

















Paul



























James

Beardapalooza - Week 3: Me and Two Aspiring Terrorists

We are 3 weeks in now, and I thought it might be nice to include some interesting beard facts:

1. Beards are itchy. Well, at least my beard is itchy.
2. According to just about all accounts, Jesus had a beard.* Satan, on the other hand, seems to primarily rock a terrible goatee.











3. The longest beard ever was grown by Hans Langseth of Norway, whose whiskers stretched an incredible 5.33 m (17 6 in) when measured upon his death in Kensett, Iowa, in 1927. The beard was presented to the Smithsonian Institution, Washington, DC, in 1967.
4. Pogonophobia is the fear of beards.
5. The only guy without a beard in ZZ Top is Frank Beard.
6. In many cultures beards are associated with wisdom, knowledge, sexual virility or high social status.
7. Most hobos have beards. (Oh, and interestingly enough, most oboes have eards.)

* I conducted absolutely no research to validate this claim.

And now for the pictures...

Scott:

















Paul:





















James:

Beardapalooza 2008 - Pictures Don't Lie

Approximately 1.5 weeks into our bearding marathon, one thing has become absolutely clear - my beard grows at roughly the rate of a prepubescent girl, while my fellow competitors have demonstrated an Eastern-Europeanesque propensity for hair growth (see below). I find this more than a little disquieting.

Given that I was the only participant regularly wearing a beard prior to the contest, I naturally assumed that I would at least keep pace with Scott and James. I take some solace in the fact that this is an endurance contest and not one of skill or scale. Who knows, maybe I am simply a slow starter (better than a quick finisher, right?).

Without further adieu, here are the pictures:

Scott















Paul




















James

Beardapalooza - Day One: The Day of Naked Faces

Scott:














Paul:















James:

Let the bearding begin!!

Happy Thanksgiving Eve. The first-annual Beardapalooza is nearly upon us. Beginning Thursday, November 27, 2008, three like-minded individuals shall endeavor to embrace their inner beard by making it their outer beard.

Paul Mathews, Scott Mathews and James "Little Jimmie" Anderson will start their Thanksgiving festivities with a thorough shaving... of their faces. Evidence of their freshly shorn visages will be displayed pictorially below. This will mark the outset of a journey through face and time - Beardapalooza 2008.

Here are the rules...

1. The participants must sustain recognized beard growth for the duration of their participation - this contest is all about endurance.
2. Only minimal trimming and clean up shall be permitted. Specifically, the participants may trim any beard growth that occurs above their cheekbone (so as to avoid sight impairment), below their Adam's apple (in order to maintain a clear separation of beard and chest hair), and mustache growth is entirely optional (after all, this is a beard contest).
3. Each Monday, the participants shall provide pictures to be uploaded and displayed on this blog. These pictures shall include at least one (1) front-view and one (1) profile picture. The pictures should be as close-up as is practicable to properly display the splendor of the beard.
4. Each participant shall pledge a sum of $50 to be paid to the eventual winner. The winner shall be declared based solely on their ability to outlast the other competitors.
5. No condition shall be sufficient to excuse a participant from their obligation to pay the winner upon the occasion of their victory. For example, the following would not be considered valid excuses for opting out of the contest:

• Wedding Day
• Hamster discovered living in beard
• Fired from job
• Sexual reassignment surgery
• My mom made me shave
• My significant other finds me repellent

That said - Let the bearding begin!!!