A Champion is Crowned!!!

After nearly 12 weeks of beard growth, Beardapalooza has drawn to a close. And the winner is:

ROBIN WILLIAMS' TORSO (yikes!!)



Of course, I am kidding. The winner is James:

























Congratulations, you Hungarian bastard.

Beardapalooza 2008 - 2009: Week 11

Last week was a big week. We lost our first participant. The winners of the Beardies were announced. Super Bowl weekend. This week...well, this week, nothing much happened. As such, I thought this to be a good time to take you behind the scenes here at Beardapalooza.

5 QUESTIONS WITH JAMES' BEARD

Beardapalooza (BP): Many people are shocked at your rapid growth. What do you attribute this growth to?

James' Beard (JB): Well, right off the bat, I can tell you that it's mostly a product of giving 110%. You look at a beard like Paul's beard, and you can see that he's only giving about 38%. You just can't get away with that kind of thing in the long run. Also, I am 3/4 Hungarian.

BP: Ahhhh. That explains it. But this is an endurance contest, a test of wills, aren't you afraid that you're peaking too early?

JB: No. You can never peak too early. That's a common misconception. I believe that premise is based on that absurd children's story, The Tortoise and the Hare. It's absolute crap. There is no way a tortoise could beat a hare in a foot race. Not only is a tortoise slow, but they are notoriously unfocused. When I was younger I used to race hermit crabs - same problem. They just wander around the start line without a thought to finishing the race. Now if you want to see a real race, try a cougar and a hare.

BP: Umm. OK. You are long enough now to start catching food - any favorites?

JB: Oh, absolutely. I am enjoying a great many foods. In my younger days, I'd catch a stray crumb at best - not nearly enough to really develop an affinity for anything specific. But now, I can catch whole meals. Just the other day, while James was eating, I managed to snag an entire cheeseburger. It just fell out of his mouth and into mine. It was delicious. No, wait. It was succulent. It had such succulescence. It was divine.

BP: I am not sure that 'succulescence' is a word.

JB: It is. I assure you.

BP: Fair enough. On to the next question. Do you have any hobbies?

JB: I have a number of hobbies. Right at the top of the list would be stamp collecting. That's right, I am a full-on balls-to-the-wall philatelist. I just love 'em. Also, I am a semi-pro backgammon player. I guess you could say that I am a thrill seeker.

BP:Clearly, you are living on the edge. So, after Beardapalooza is over, what will you do with your time?

JB: Wow. I guess I hadn't given that much thought. I'd really like to travel. You know, see the world. I hear that there is an annual beard competition in Anchorage, Alaska. If this ends the way I expect it to, I'd really like to see if I have the chops to compete on the world stage. If that doesn't work out, I was thinking about maybe taking up ballet.

And now for this week's beard pics:

Paul




James

Beardapalooza 2008-2009: Week 10...Man Down

This post comes to you a day late but with good cause. This was an eventful week for Beardapalooza. First of all, there was the Herculean effort involved in tallying the innumerable (read: four) ballots cast for the First Annual Beardies (patience...the winners will be announced below). Next, we had our first fallen soldier. After just shy of 10 weeks, Scott's beard is no more. The official story is that it was work-related shaving, but word 'round the campfire is that it began to fall out following his latest round of estrogen therapy.

SCOTT'S BEARD
November 27, 2008 - January 31, 2009. R.I.P.

So we are down to two - me (Paul) and James (him). And without further adieu, I present the winners of The Beardies:

BEST BEARD IN THE NBA


Drew Gooden of the Chicago Bulls

BEST BEARD IN MODERN MUSIC


Kyp Malone of TV on the Radio

BEST PRESIDENTIAL BEARD


James Garfield

BEST BEARD IN A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE


Robert Redford as Jeremiah Johnson

...AND THE BEST BEARD IN HISTORY


Karl Marx as Karl Marx

And here are this week's beard pics:

Paul





James





Next week we will feature a freshly shorn Scott's post mortem pics.

Beardapalooza 2008 - 2009: Week 9...The Beardies

Beardapalooza is nothing if it's not a celebration of beards. And as we are in the midst of the film industry's annual glut of award shows, I thought it a good time to reward those men who have established themselves as the standard bearers for beard growth. I welcome you all to the First Annual Beardies.

Below you will find the nominees in five categories. The winners will be determined democratically by your votes. Please send your vote for each category by way of comment at the bottom of this blog. And if no one should bother to vote, the winners shall be determined dictatorially, by me, your humble presenter.

BEST BEARD IN THE NBA

And the nominees are...

Baron Davis


DeShawn Stevenson


Drew Gooden


Pau Gasol


Zydrunas Ilgauskus


BEST BEARD IN MODERN MUSIC

And the nominees are...

Sam Beam (a.k.a Iron & Wine)


Devandra Banhart (freak folk artist)


Jim James (of My Morning Jacket)


Kyp Malone (of TV on the Radio)


?uestlove (of The Roots)


BEST PRESIDENTIAL BEARD

and the nominees are...

Abraham Lincoln


Benjamin Harrison


James Garfield


Rutherford B. Hayes


Ulysses S. Grant


BEST BEARD IN A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

and the nominees are...

Brady Hawkes (as played by Kenny Rogers in The Gambler)


Dr. Richard Kimble (as played by Harrison Ford in The Fugitive)


Jeremiah Johnson (as played by Robert Redford in Jeremiah Johnson)


Matt Hooper (as played by Richard Dreyfuss in Jaws)


Ned Kelly (as played by Mick Jagger in Ned Kelly)


Just to be clear, I tried to pick actors that grew real beards, so don't give me any of that "Where's Gandalf" nonsense.

BEAST BEARD IN HISTORY

and the nominees are...

Charles Darwin


Jesus


Karl Marx


Rasputin


Young Fidel Castro


That concludes The Beardies. Your votes will be tallied and the winners will be announced in next week's blog.

And now for this week's beard pics:

Scott




Paul




James